Sometimes you don’t want to wake up because you don’t see any reason to do it. You will go back to sleep because in dreams you are happy. No pain, no heartaches and you are with someone you love. Everything is perfect. How will I wake up in a world that hurts me? I am mad because I woke up. I woke up crying because I am sad. I’m going through a lot of pain, anger and my head is a mess. You know how hard it is. I stopped for a while and started to think. I asked myself. I am in this world for a long time already, but why do I feel something is missing with me, my heart feels empty. Am I still worthy here?
I started to think about how my life has been. I started to question my faith? I ask God, Do I deserve all the pain? Why give me all these, why did you wake me up? Are these my punishment for not being a good daughter, a sister, a friend or a person? I know it’s wrong to blame everything to him. But what am I supposed to feel, I am alone, afraid, and lost? Do I have the right to get mad? Maybe, but not with God. I can’t do anything but cry. Why am I sad? There are many reasons for being happy, but I can’t do it or I really don’t like being happy? I just let my tears flow, but in every drop I slowly find the answer to my questions.
Every time I wake up, every time I open my eyes. I already opened his gifts. With every breath he is there for me. He gave me a family and friends that love and forgive me. These are the people who believe in me. Enough reasons to move forward
I am the one who holds the key to my happiness. Whatever I’m going through is a result of the choices I made in the past. But still I am thankful because it builds my character. That sometimes I expect too much with what I want for my life but, he has a better plan for me. I may not be in the place I want but, I am where I need to. I might be going some trials in my life, but my faith in him will heal me. He will not leave me, after all he gave his only son for us and he loved me first.
Now, I have a lot of reasons to get up.